Confront Situation
Do not feel afraid to say what is really on your mind. Side-stepping the issue will only postpone it until later.

"Own" Your Problem
By owning your own problems, you encourage the young adult to do the same. For example, if your adolescent missed an appointment with you, it would be important to tell him or her how this made you feel (e.g.: "I was angry with you last week when you just did not show up to meet me").

Put Yourself In Another Person's Place
Try to actually step into the other person's shoes for a moment to feel and see the situation from his or her point of view.

Suspend Judgment
Try to be as objective as possible as you really listen to what the person has to say. Be sure to include body language and other non-verbal information the person is sending you. Ask questions to clarify any doubts that you may have.

Is Non-Verbal Communication Consistent With Verbal Communication?
A person's choice of friends, dress, hairstyle, posture, setting position, and style all give information that is supplemental to what is being said verbally. When the verbal message disagrees with the nonverbal message, it is often the non-verbal information that is more accurate. Consistency in the verbal and non-verbal information speaks of honest and open communication.

As A Listener, Reflect And Clarify Thoughts
Reflecting means sending back a person's message to help an individual clarify if the content of the message is accurate. You can ask a person, "I am hearing you say….Is that what you said?" Reflecting and clarifying will only be helpful if done in a sincere manner by someone who really cares. Otherwise, it seems phony and manipulative.

Encourage Feedback
Feedback will only be used for when the person reviewing the feedback is ready to receive it and is willing "to correct or change his or her action." In giving feedback you must realize you are only giving your perception of the situation. Therefore, it is important to add a degree of tentativeness to any statement by adding "I thought" or "I understood" to your response (i.e.: "I felt you were depressed last night" instead of "You were so depressed all night").

Minimize Defensive Behavior
Realize that there are psychological defenses that are often used to protect the ego. "I meant to do that, but…" and similar statements sometimes just become habits and can stand in the way of really stating the truth.

Eliminate "Killer Phrases"
"Killer Phrases" end a discussion before it has a chance to take off. They include such phrases as "That never works!" or "That's not true about kids in foster care."

Unfinished Business
You should encourage your adolescents to finish conversations or communications that were interrupted in one way or another. Often important points are missed if the "unfinished business" is left unattended (i.e.: "You were just telling me about…when the phone rang").